We’ve been exploring the ‘How To’ factors for developing happiness.  Comparisons (and/or their avoidance) can weigh heavily in this equation. Research shows that the happier a person is – the less concerned they are about critical comparisons with others. Happy people don’t spend great amounts of time in judgment of themselves or others. 

Some comparisons about things, places, values and people can simply be a part of ‘taking care of business’. For example: Comparison-shopping for the best quality or values is wise, and sports competitions open the whole field of athletic endeavor. Risk evolves when things get personal. 

Some comparisons leave us feeling good, and some are joy killers. We need wisdom to identify and deal with them constructively.  We also need to learn how to protect ourselves from those that could be harmful.   

We don’t need to compete with each other – we can appreciate that our differences add to the strength and beauty of our lives.

There is only one you.  No one else combines your personality, your outlook, and values, and your personal experiences. You are unique in the world. 

If comparative self-judgment is an issue for us – a positive bit of internal heart-to-heart reflection can be helpful. 

Here are a few suggestions: 

1. Get busy doing something positive for others.  Helping others (with your attention fixed on their needs — not on your doubts) is one of the most immediate things we can do for each other and for ourselves.
2. Learn something new such as art, dance, photography, sports, fitness, or other activities.  Start small. Don’t take on too much of a challenge – but do give yourself credit for even the smallest achievement, and recognize that as you add satisfaction with your own interests — you become more interesting to others. 
3. If self-doubt has you ‘stuck’, go ahead and try the ‘fake-it-till-you-make-it’ strategy. Movement towards our goals, no matter how small it may seem, can often break the mental chains that bind us. Be sure to recognize that in taking that small step you exercised faith, self-control, and personal strength. Give yourself credit for those things.  
4. Self-doubt easily attaches to comparisons. If this is an issue, look for a better perspective.  How important will this situation really be to you in six months or one year? How big of an issue will this moment’s concern be in five or ten years time?  
5. Talk things over with someone you trust.  Do be careful in choosing your pastor, counselor, family member or friend.  Be sure they can keep your confidences, that they will be content to listen rather than feeling compelled to fix things … and that they are able to be a positive, objective encouragement to you. 

‘Unique Object Comparisons’ can be fun and help to jog our thinking into new perspectives . Think of something you like or enjoy.  List all of the positive aspects that you can identify about that object. 

Next, apply as many of those listed attributes as possible – to yourself or your current situation. For example; I like Rocky Road Chocolate bars.  They are: richly flavored, sweet, nutty, and soft with marshmallow fillings.

In comparison: I can strive to act with, and appreciate, sweetness. I can be eccentric or playfully nutty at times.  I can be crunchy on the outside as I meet with the world’s resistance, but inside I’m a softy. 

In earlier blog posts, I described this technique as using ‘Natural Metaphors’ …  It sounds quirky but it can be helpful when thoughts tangle with self-judgment, and comparative doubts. 

The best thing we can do with doubts and insecurities or fears, and our needs for assurance and confidence, is to hand them over to our Lord. He does not compare us with anyone else.  Here’s what He says about some of this: 

You are one-of-a-kind.  There is ONLY one you.

He fashions their hearts individually; He considers all their works.

Psalm 33:15

And He said to them, “Why are you troubled? And why do doubts arise in your hearts? Luke 24:38

Both positive and negative personal comparisons are risky. 

For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.

           2 Corinthians 10:12

There is ONE perfect standard we can consider.

For who in the heavens can be compared to the Lord? Who among the sons of the mighty can be likened to the Lord?  Psalm 89:6

We are loved — individually, uniquely, absolutely, and perfectly loved, by the one who is above all comparison.  

Blessings, Love and Laughter to you

Margaret