INTRODUCTION

Cognitive therapies are some of the most popular and successful (evidence-based) treatments for coping with depression and anxiety. They rely on the basics of awareness, mindfulness, and perspective.

Awareness of one’s thinking; mindfulness of the physical ‘here-and-now’; and the ability to take an observer’s view of personal experience are all important for managing stress and emotions.

We can develop these powerful therapeutic skills. I’ll share an example:

THE PROBLEM

Since hearing disappointing medical news – I watched my son repeatedly cycle through periods of anxiety, and the first stages of grief (shock, denial, bargaining anger, acceptance).

A potentially permanent loss was announced. He was feeling unbalanced – there was (as yet) no bargain to be made. Acceptance and a hopeful long-term perspective were hard to find.

It hurts to watch those we love suffer pain and loss – when we have to accept that we can’t ‘fix’ it. We can only go through the difficulty arm-in-arm – with assurance of love and unity.

Through the next several months, we rode an emotional roller coaster together. The labored climbs, sudden drops, and rushing, sharply inverted, turns of events left us feeling whiplash.

We were slightly sickened and exhausted by it all. We were also blessed to share love, and moments of laughter. God is awesome – and He keeps His promises.

Such positives didn’t erase disappointment or undo physical injury. But, they did keep us from spinning out of control, and they strengthened us.

SOLUTIONS

No matter what we go through, all is not lost. By the Grace of God we can remind ourselves of the positives, and question our own discouragement – as King David did … when he modeled positive Self-Talk:

“ Why are you in despair, oh my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence.” Psalms 42:5

Being aware of our thinking and our physical here-and-now (mindfulness), and stepping back to apply an observers point of view are powerful coping strategies. How (exactly) can we do that?

In the true story of our example, my first steps were to ‘breathe’ and connect with my God.

I practiced rhythmic breathing: Inhale through the nose to a slow count of four — then exhale through the lips (as if gently blowing out a candle) to a slow count of six.

A silent breath-prayer kept my rhythm steady (with the 4:6 syllable count) – and put me in contact with the source of my hope and strength. Inhale: “Help us Oh Lord.” Exhale: “I’m letting go right now.”

It also helped to tune in to body tensions – and then gently try to relax muscles in a progressive order. As internal chaos was reduced, it was possible to try stepping back – becoming an observer – imagining this story being re-told.

I determined to give others the benefit of the doubt for minor irritations (even highway traffic on the way home from that fateful appointment), because I knew my emotional balance was not rock-steady.

As I became more aware of my emotional experience, I was able to just breathe – and be, without worrying about what I should be doing, feeling, or thinking.

CONCLUSION

If you are in the grip of a situation fraught with emotion – I encourage you to breathe, and allow yourself to become aware of what you’re really feeling. We can use mindfulness, the observer’s point of view, and positive self-talk – as powerful strategies, to help us cope and to clearly share our hearts and requests with God.

I believe that prayer is a conversation. God loves us, and He loves to hear from us.

Be kind to yourself, and enjoy a conversation with God – the One who loves you beyond your wildest dreams. Hold on for this wild ride and be encouraged. A friend shared this with me: H.O.P.E. = Hold On – Pain Ends.

Blessings, Love and Laughter,

Margaret

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